Hope and Support From a Young Widow

Jessica Bemis is a full-time, working mom of two who lost her husband to testicular cancer in November 2011. Since then, Jessica has been sharing her story on her blog, Hope for Young Widows and working to bring awareness and hope to women and men who have lost their spouses to cancer. In this blog, she discusses her life with her husband before and after his diagnosis, kids, marriage, 4jim5k , resources and creating a new normal.

Read Jessica's blog, and connect with her on Facebook and Twitter. 

The Diagnosis…

Jim was diagnosed with a rare form of testicular cancer on July 1, 2010. He was 38 years old.

Jim had a great sense of humor and whenever he would have to confront a tough situation, especially at work, he would take a deep breath grin and say, “It’s a journey!” instead of getting exasperated. And he faced cancer the same way.

On June 30, 2010, Jim came home from work and decided to go for what was supposed to be a five- mile run. But after about three miles, he didn’t feel right; he was experiencing shortness of breath. When he came home, his neck was swollen, he felt dizzy and his face looked really red. I took him to my local hospital's ER and after many tests the doctor came into the room and told us there was a grapefruit-size tumor in his chest.

The Journey

On July 1, 2010, the doctors confirmed that Jim had a rare form of testicular cancer, a nonseminoma germ cell tumor and they mapped out his treatment regimen. He would receive four rounds of chemo to shrink the tumor so that doctors could perform surgery to remove it. Following surgery, he would receive an additional round of chemo to ensure all cancer cells were gone. After this first round of chemo and surgery, Jim was disease free for approximately four weeks. Unfortunately, the disease returned and Jim’s doctor suggested he meet with doctors in Indianapolis, Indiana who specialize in this type of testicular cancer. Another surgery was performed, and he endured more chemo. Following this round of treatment and surgery, he was disease free for about three months.

The cancer showed up again near Jim’s chest area in May 2011. This time he was not a candidate for surgery. Jim’s last hope for a cure was going through chemo with stem cell treatment. Upon completion in October 2011, the cancer was in check, but he was not cured. Over the course of his 17- month treatment, the disease had spread near his heart, lungs, and neck. At this point, we all knew Jim would not be cured and our focus shifted to controlling the disease so that he could live his life with a sense of quality. Since Jim was not a candidate for major surgery to remove the disease, the doctor’s suggested a less invasive procedure to kill the cancer cells.

Jim went in for surgery on November 15, 2011, but he didn’t wake up. He lost a lot of blood and had a stroke. He was in a coma for five days before passing away peacefully.

Living With Loss

Today, I am learning to create a new normal for me and my boys, which means we are learning to embrace new routines, and start new traditions.

By sharing my experiences with other widows and widowers, I hope we can create a community of hope and support for each other.

Please join me here, as I contribute more articles for young widows and widowers, or visit my website www.hopeforyoungwidows.com.

Also, I invite you to share your own experience with me so we can learn to navigate the new normal together.